WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY MARRIAGE

Problems and marriage have become synonymous especially in the recent times.  If you are a fun of the morning show on Classic 101 FM hosted by Maina Kageni and Mwalimu Kingangi or even the “Bursted show” by Ciku, then you know what I am talking about.  From the outset you would think Maina Kageni is a marriage counselor. I am not against it; in fact, one can’t really blame couples for downloading their marriage/relationship squabbles on National radio. 

 First Lets just be honest, Maina Kageni is a very good listener, you can be telling him about how you died and resurrected and he goes, yeah, yes, what? ‘Haiya’ plus Mwalimu is just downright funny, like Baba Jimmy, he can make you laugh at your own misfortune. Ciku on the other hand is so good at bursting cheaters; she can even burst you for trying to steal your own things.

Secondly it’s on radio; it’s not like one can see who’s on the other end. Thirdly most people don’t like paying for counseling services, they would rather not speak to each other at all than speak to each other through a relationship counselor, plus it’s generally not Kenyan culture to pay to speak to someone unless it is a medical doctor and one is dying. 

In a society like ours women would rather share their experiences at the salon and men go drink themselves self to death or catch some comfort with their ‘Mpango Wa Kando’ (MWK). The other day I even heard some guy say that, MWK is in the Constitution.  What! Being a lawyer I thought my Copy of the constitution was missing some Articles. But that’s topic for another day.

Let’s start from the beginning; regardless of the religion you follow, one of the most ‘trending’ beliefs in the world is that of the sanctity of marriage. Marriage was instituted by God. He made the Man and then took out one of his ribs and made a woman. The bible doesn’t tell us whether God explained to the man how  He made the woman, but all we know is that, when Adam took a look  at her, He said this is (must be) the bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. He knew she was ‘the one’, and the famous bible verse, “for this reason man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave into his wife: and they shall become one flesh,” comes thereafter. 

I know you have probably heard this a couple of times but it’s still the truth, you cannot ignore the manual instructions of an Item and expect it’s to serve you properly.  This is no different, marriage was instituted by God. It’s His creation, marriage is His intellectual property. He has a Patent on it. From a legal perspective, this means that reproduction of this property without His consent  is illegal and punishable by law. The only difference is that God won’t come and sue you; Besides He is the judge, the jury and the executioner. 

Currently there is a commercial by Communications Commission of Kenya (CCK) running on local TV stations on fake phones where several people claim to be some guy called ‘Mark Juma Mutambo’.  The part where this ‘chick’ sounds like a guy still haunts me. Those in agreement say I. The point CCK is trying to make here is, if you are using a fake phone, you might pay for criminal activities committed by someone using a phone with a similar IMEI number or something worse.

Something very common with fake products is the way they are packaged. In fact, one of the greatest marketing skills is to understand that people judge a book by its cover, so make the cover look good.  And makers of fake products know this. They make the product look exactly like the genuine one but the service you get is very poor, plus the product’s is short lived and can get you into trouble. 

Since creation we have invented our own types of marriages (arrangements) some based on lust, the pressure to give our parents grand children, to gain status in the society, unintended motherhood or fatherhood or some other good, bad or ugly reason.  Like the fake phones, we have made our own fake batteries and fake chargers to keep the marriage alive and working. The truth is Marriage was created by God and only He can sustain it. He is its author, its battery, its charger and its life.

Don’t be mistaken, I am not talking about a church marriage here, I know you are already prepared to dish me with a list of couples who got married in church and their marriage is falling if not already failed. The point I am trying to make here is, you cannot ignore God’s guide on relationships and marriage and have healthy relationships.  If you are looking for a good relationship, starting a new one, already in a great one or you are in tears, now you now know where and who to look to. God has interest in sustaining everything he created. He is Faithful; He never starts what He cannot finish.  He has very special interests in our relationships with each other as well as His relationship with us. You mention relationships and you have gotten His attention.  Lastly don’t die alone, talk to someone, we were created for each other.

TRIBALISM:FROM A GENERATION-Y WRITER

I was born in the late 80’s I guess you can call me a generation-Y. I grew up listening to people talk about tribalism. I didn’t exactly understand what the entire hullabaloo about tribalism was. So I searched in my new small dictionary and found this definition; Tribalism is the state or fact of being organised in a tribe or tribes, the behaviour and attitudes that stem from strong loyalty to one’s own tribe or social group. 

As far as I was concerned, being a child I felt safe among the people I knew, people who understood my language, my family etc. I didn’t know what was so bad about such a thing. Even as I grow I older, every time I travel to a different region, although I always get excited to meet new people it is always comforting to meet a fellow Kenyan in a location with a totally different people and a different way of life.  It is human nature to feel safe around ones own people. My question is, when did tribalism become a vice?

Through out my Pre School and primary school, having grown up in the village I mainly interacted with people from my own community, the tribe one came from was never something we even thought about. This was partly because we all spoke the same language. We were barely allowed to speak our local language in school anyway, and there was always some kid waiting to pass the ‘monitor’ to you.

My first real encounter with kids from other tribes was in high school. However, ‘tribalism’ as we call it, was really never an issue. In fact we used to make jokes about our different experiences based on where we grew up. There are very distinct habits/foods/ social organizations etc associated with certain tribes we used to make fun of just like our local comedians, Churchill or Eric Omondi would.

My first real encounter with ‘tribalism’ was when I went to campus. I participated in the elections of the representatives of the student body. This is the first time it dawned on me what people meant by ‘tribalism’. During the entire campaign period and even through the elections period, people supported ‘their own’. Even later when I started working I discovered that we held different political opinions based on Where we came from. 

I went out on an adventure to find out where it all went wrong, Most people I asked didn't have a 'certified answer' as to why they reacted the way they did; it was like an instinctive reaction. It was like my ‘safe’ feeling around people I knew when I was a child. Most people voted for one of their own because the felt they would address their plight better, they understood them and where they were coming from.

‘Tribalism’ has been called decease, a virus and other names that give the impression that it is one of the worst words in the world. It is said to be greatly responsible for the post election violence in 2007 in Kenya and one of the worst genocide events of all times in Rwanda inter alia.  I don’t disagree; Tribalism can be misused to bring disastrous results. However  as I noted earlier, tribalism means the behavior and attitudes that stem from strong loyalty to one’s tribe. Loyalty is a good thing, but like love can be abused to produce calamitous results. 

Is this article intended to only defend the word ‘tribalism’? By no means, this article’s purpose is to open our eyes to rethink our approach in the fight against ‘tribalism’ as we call it.

Our fight is not against ones loyalty to one’s tribe members neither is it against a group of people having a common development agenda; in any case, that’s the whole point behind devolved governance. Our fight is against exclusion of others, it is against hatred of other communities.

In my opinion, leaders have a bigger role to play in this fight by showing loyalty to Kenya as one community. Loyalty at home is crucial because if one doesn’t get support from his own backyard, then it is highly unlikely that he will get national support. One has to strike a very delicate balance in order to be seen as a national leader

In Kenya, a president is seen as a symbol of which tribe is in power. Although Kenyans generally know that one’s ability to lead has nothing to do with which tribe one comes from, they will still rather stick with someone who they feel has the highest chance of winning and therefore start or maintain their tribal pride (massage their tribal ego).

I am sure if Kenya’s form of government was a monarchy some people would be like, ‘hey, that family has been power for too long’. This fight has to start from having strong political/institutional structures. We need to have agendas that are nation based. They have to be clear and precise. We need to have political engines that from the outset one can tell what it stands for.  Until Kenyans can start seeing political parties as national parties, then the fight against abuse of tribalism will be futile. 

Secondly, leaders have to show that their political rivalries do not result from ‘tribalism’ but from strong   political ideologies. Until leaders stop looking at themselves as representatives of their tribes as opposed to national leaders then this fight is far from even starting. Shouting on national television that one is a national leader and going in their backyard and telling the locals in their local language how /why they should not support a particular candidate based on their tribal affiliation is ultimately abuse of tribal loyalty. Leaders and especially aspiring leaders have to fight this war from a whole new perspective. A famous saying goes, ‘you can’t keep doing things the same way and expect different results”